It is infinitely more realistic for an unhappy couple to meet at their humanity than it is to try to work out their personality differences and the problems that arose from those differences. Knowing that our core of love is the constant among us human beings makes it easy to be hopeful in hard times and to be faithful when our resolution efforts

All relationships have these moments of judgment. It’s normal. Just like you aren’t always going to think that your friend is the world’s best friend, you won’t always think your partner is the world’s best partner. It becomes a problem if you validate your negative feelings by believing that they must mean something. This makes them stick, and

LISTENING AND COMPASSION Perhaps one of the most effective tests for if you are a good listener is if you feel compassion for the person you are listening to. Compassion is when your heart goes out to the speaker. Reciting back what someone has said proves that you heard it but not that you felt it. Having compassion proves that you are taking in

Couples commonly revert to the ‘bad listener model’ when they talk to each other. They project their own thinking on each other and don’t even notice that they are doing it. They just fill in the blanks and assume the other person thinks the way they would think under those circumstances. If they do this often, they lose curiosity for the unique

has been my observation that the couples who have recently fallen in love are often the most curious about how their partners see the world. They frequently ask the question, “Why do you feel that way?”, or say, “Tell me more about that.” The curiosity and interest is what keeps the relationship fresh and interesting.

THE GET OVER YOURSELF MODEL By requiring your partner to be in charge of your emotional state, you are not only giving them an immense, impossible job, but also disregarding your own power over your thoughts, feelings and emotional reactions. The ‘Get Over Yourself Model’ makes life easier for your relationship. You don’t have to spend time looking

When couples tell us the problems they have, Linda and I often realize that we have the same problems. Strong disagreements and hurt feelings are hardly out of our world. We accept that life will always be a full-contact sport. We realize that the answer to a nicer life lies in seeing “problems” for what they are: painful thoughts taken seriously.

THE PRINCIPLES Sydney’s epiphany led to his formation of three vital principles of the human experience: The Principle of Thought is that every person on earth has the power to create ideas, images, perceptions and memories within our own minds. The Principle of Consciousness is our ability to form feelings from our thoughts. All of our feelings

Many theorists had previously pointed to thought as a contributor to our experiences, but none had said what Sydney Banks said: thought is the sole contributor. Not lifestyle, not a spouse, not money problems, not conflicts, just thought. If you pause and consider this, you will see that it is a no-brainer. If a person has positive thoughts, they