To influence someone means to have a transformative effect on their lives. To be a player in their story.

Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk explores this in The Body Keeps the Score, addressing how if we only talk, we’re accessing one part of our brain, and we miss out on what the other parts of our brain have to teach us about ourselves. How do we access these other parts of our brain? Yoga, meditation, experiential therapy, neurofeedback—and of course, writing

What a loss it would be if all we ever did was stand back and evaluate ourselves. What a tragedy if we never just surrendered and enjoyed the miracle that we already are. Let the grace be in the writing.

In fact, the best things in life grow slowly: relationships, children, careers, the oak tree in your backyard, and your writing practice. Think of it like a garden.

One researcher speculated about why this is: “One of the main reasons for the negative effect on energy level and performance is because secrets make us feel lonely and sad. They also can make us feel more fearful, hostile, and guilty, but sadness and isolation make us more tired.”

needing to make sense of something too soon is often what keeps us stuck.

Where his life experience didn’t match his old way of thinking, there were holes in his outline. His life story didn’t answer the questions the way his words did.

The research shows there are three elements your writing needs to cover in order to have the power of change: facts, thoughts, and feelings.

It’s easier to treat writing as a low-stakes side hobby, when the reality is that writing requires us to get up-close, personal, and gut-level honest about how we are living our lives.