But because we’re in the business of cultivating grown-ups here, giving, like everything else that we do with money, shouldn’t simply happen without comment.

Values should drive behavior. And you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what makes you whole as a human being. That’s worth teaching.

But when you’re a young couple raising your family, it’s a new process and experience for everyone. Nobody who is raising children has done it before. It’s a blank slate, and we’re also growing and changing as we raise our children.”

Finally, I want to help all of you recognize that every conversation about money is also about values. Allowance is also about patience. Giving is about generosity. Work is about perseverance. Negotiating their wants and needs and the difference between the two has a lot to do with thrift and prudence.

And why there’s no shame in having more or having less, as long as you’re grateful for what you have, share it generously with others, and spend it wisely on the things that make you happiest. It’s true for our kids, but it’s true for us, too.

In my years of research on the topic, I’ve determined that there is one answer that works best for any and every money question. The response is itself a question: Why do you ask?

The Opposite of Spoiled is a generational manifesto first and foremost—a promise to our kids that we will make them better at managing money than we are and give them the tools they need to avoid the financial traps that still ensnare so many adults.

We can’t have or do everything we want, and it’s a lesson we need to remind our kids of often. Even if there is enough money, there’s not enough time. At its root, the question of how much is enough is reflected in choices we make nearly every day. And many of these choices are trade-offs.

What our kids can learn from paid employment is a work ethic, that loose phrase that captures the ability to listen, exert ourselves, cooperate with others, do our best, and stick to a task until we’ve done it, and done it right. Or we could just call it “grit,” a term that University of Pennsylvania professor Angela Duckworth has helped popularize