a bottom, it can be very sexy to believe that you have no choices. “Poor me! Forced to endure all this intense sensation, turned on against my will!” To keep this fantasy hot and safe, it is important that we understand that it is a fantasy, and if it is not hot any more, or safe, or feeling okay, then we do have a choice. We can stop the scene, we

Power-with is based on the idea that we can all become more powerful by supporting each other in being more powerful.

Power-over means that a person sees his or her power as the ability to control others, and thus always sees this power as relative, either greater or lesser than other people’s power.

In order to play with power safely, it helps to understand the concept of “power-with” as differentiated from “power-over.” Most of our culture’s systems run on power-over, with sexism, racism and militarism being some ugly examples.

But perhaps your desires are a little less concrete. You may feel unformed yearnings for stronger sensations than ordinary sex can provide… for the feeling of relinquishing control, of being swept away… for permission to be as dependent, as smart-assed, or as voracious as you like. Janet remembers: I met a woman at a Society of Janus program for

Consent in S/M is an active collaboration for the benefit, well-being and pleasure of all persons concerned.

S/M is play, theater, communication, intimacy, sexuality. It combines the child’s urge for make-believe with the adult’s ability to take responsibility and the adult’s privilege of sexual reward. Our sexuality, at its best, represents a remarkable convergence of civilized agreements and primitive urges. We believe it to be a very high achievement