The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone

But the legacy of Romanticism has been an epidemic of loneliness, as we are repeatedly brought up against the truth: the radical inability of any one other person to wholly grasp who we truly are. Yet there remains, besides the promises of love and religion, one other – and more solid – resource with which to address our loneliness: culture.

Loneliness is having other people and society and community around you, and having a deep sense of being excluded from them.

Each of us must live with a full measure of loneliness that is inescapable, and we must not destroy ourselves with our passion to escape this aloneness.

There are plenty of moments when we are in solitude, connected to nature or purpose or meaning, and we don’t feel lonely. There are also plenty when we are with other people and are what Vivek calls ‘emotionally alone’, as I had felt in former relationships.

Loneliness is one of the most painful yet necessary experiences in life. People feel incomplete, empty, or even starvinginside. It is also a strong motivating force, just as food hunger is.

Oh, but being alone isn’t what makes you feel lonely. Loneliness is having other people and society and community around you, and having a deep sense of being excluded from them. To feel lonely, we need other people. That is to say, it is only in social contexts that a person becomes an “individual.”