The Happiness Trap
“If I use this thought for guidance, will it help me to be the sort of person I want to be; do the things I really want to do; and in the long term, build a better life?”
Russ Harris • The Happiness Trap
focus on values. Why? Because a life that’s heavily goal-focused is a life of chronic discontentment.
Russ Harris • The Happiness Trap
The aim is to keep acknowledging your thoughts and feelings and at the same time tune into and actively move your body. The reason for this is to give you more control over your physical actions—over what you do with your arms, hands, legs, feet, face, and mouth—so you can act more effectively while the emotional storm continues to rage.
Russ Harris • The Happiness Trap
If what you’re doing in a particular situation is helping you move closer toward the life you want to build, we say it’s “workable” (a toward move); but if it’s having the opposite effect, we say it’s “unworkable” (an away move). And only you can ever decide whether something is workable for you.
Russ Harris • The Happiness Trap
four HARD barriers: Hooked, Avoiding discomfort, Remoteness from values, and Doubtful goals.
Russ Harris • The Happiness Trap
“I’m noticing obsessing” or “There’s my mind ruminating.” Or you might prefer to drop phrases like “I’m noticing”
Russ Harris • The Happiness Trap
Not trying to get rid of your pain but rather making room for it… Allowing it to be as it is in this moment… Giving it plenty of space… And sending in warmth and kindness… Taking a moment to acknowledge, this feeling is a sign you care… It tells you there’s something important that really matters to you… A gap between what you want and what you’ve
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So “urge surfing” means exactly what it says: we treat our urges like waves, and “surf” them until they dissipate. The
Russ Harris • The Happiness Trap
Leave. Stay and live by your values: do whatever you can to improve the situation, make room for the pain that goes with it, and treat yourself kindly. Stay—but do things that either make no difference or make it worse.
Russ Harris • The Happiness Trap
If we do this over and over (and over again), we will gradually develop a deep sense of self-worth that’s far superior to anything we might achieve by challenging negative thoughts or practicing positive affirmations.