The Happiness Trap: Stop Struggling, Start Living

when your primary motivation is the avoidance of unpleasant thoughts and feelings, this drains the joy and vitality from what you are doing.

Our struggle switch is like an emotional amplifier—switch it ON and we can have anger about our anxiety, anxiety about our anger, depression about our depression, or guilt about our guilt.

The other meaning of happiness is ‘a rich, full and meaningful life’. When we take action on the things that truly matter deep in our hearts, when we move in directions that we consider valuable and worthy, when we clarify what we stand for in life and act accordingly, then our lives become rich and full and meaningful, and we experience a powerful

‘WHY AM I FEELING LIKE THIS?’ This question sets you up to run through all your problems one by one, seeing if you can pinpoint what caused your feelings.

Like a butterfly pinned to a table, however, happiness dies unless it is held lightly.

fear • anger • shock • disgust • sadness • guilt • love • joy • curiosity. You have just read a list of the nine basic human emotions, from which all others are derived by combination. (At least, this is what many scientists believe—it’s still the subject of considerable debate.)

The more pragmatic approach is to ask, ‘Is this thought helpful? Does it help me take action to create the life I want?’

The values-focused life will always be more fulfilling than the goal-focused life because you get to appreciate the journey even as you’re working towards your goals.

these control strategies have three significant costs: 1. They take up a lot of time and energy and are usually ineffective in the long run. 2. We feel silly, defective, or weak-minded because the thoughts/feelings we’re trying to get rid of keep coming back. 3. Many strategies that decrease unpleasant feelings in the short-term actually lower our