The Happiness Trap: Stop Struggling, Start Living

‘WHY AM I FEELING LIKE THIS?’ This question sets you up to run through all your problems one by one, seeing if you can pinpoint what caused your feelings.

The more pragmatic approach is to ask, ‘Is this thought helpful? Does it help me take action to create the life I want?’

One particular type of thought process is so intimately linked to our emotions that some experts consider it a core component. This is the process of ‘making sense of’ or ‘giving meaning to’ our experience. For example, with sadness you have a sense of loss, and with fear you have a sense of danger.

Does it help me to be the person I want to be?

thoughts that criticise you, insult you, judge you, put you down or blame you are likely to lower your motivation rather than increase it.

The other meaning of happiness is ‘a rich, full and meaningful life’. When we take action on the things that truly matter deep in our hearts, when we move in directions that we consider valuable and worthy, when we clarify what we stand for in life and act accordingly, then our lives become rich and full and meaningful, and we experience a powerful

fear • anger • shock • disgust • sadness • guilt • love • joy • curiosity. You have just read a list of the nine basic human emotions, from which all others are derived by combination. (At least, this is what many scientists believe—it’s still the subject of considerable debate.)

‘Connection’ means being fully aware of your here-and-now experience and being interested, open and receptive to that experience. In practising connection, we pull ourselves out of the past or the future and bring ourselves back to this moment, right here, right now, with openness, receptiveness and interest.

Notice that you haven’t challenged the thought at all. You haven’t tried to get rid of it, debated whether it’s true or false, or tried to replace it with a positive thought.