The Happiness Trap 2nd Edition: Stop Struggling, Start Living

but please don’t cling to it; because, as we’ll see later, trying to hold on tightly to pleasant thoughts and feelings creates all sorts of problems.

Distraction You distract yourself from your thoughts and feelings by focusing on something else: you smoke a cigarette, eat some ice-cream, go shopping or play computer games.

And as you do it, you give it your full attention.

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▪ when distressing or traumatic memories arise ▪ when strong addictive cravings or urges arise ▪ whenever you want to get out of OBEY or STRUGGLE mode.

Opting out You opt out of situations, events or activities that tend to trigger uncomfortable thoughts or feelings. For example, you drop out of a course, avoid going to a social function, procrastinate on an important task or avoid a challenge, to escape feelings of anxiety.

You can use this technique with any difficult thought that tends to hook you. For instance, if your mind says, ‘Life sucks!’ then acknowledge, ‘I’m having the thought that life sucks!’ If you prefer, use the term ‘I’m noticing’; so when your mind says, ‘I’ll fail!’ you acknowledge, ‘I’m noticing the thought that I’ll fail!’

and you run through several cycles.

These phrases imply that we should be able to turn our feelings on and off at will, like flicking a switch. And this myth is compelling, because many people around us seem, on the surface, to be happy. They seem to be in control of their thoughts and feelings. But ‘seem’ is the key word here. The fact is that most people are not open or honest abou