The Grownup

I would rather be a librarian, but I worry about the job security. Books may be temporary; dicks are forever.

Her handbag was too plain to be anything but incredibly expensive.

She’s a heavy woman, like an octopus—

I never worked holidays, because holiday hand jobs are sad for everyone.

an inside joke is like a symbol of friendship without having to do the work required of an actual friendship.

Empathetic silence is one of the most underused weapons in the world.

She came up here for college, but her daddy got cancer, and the farm got sold, and ends stopped meeting, and she had to drop out.

but then her little girl came along, and her little girl’s daddy left, and before you knew it . . . she was one of them. The needy.

That’s the easiest way to tell people what they want: Ask them what they want.