The fantasy of independence

It’s liberation from the idea that we can self-optimize ourselves to the point of not needing anyone else. That if we work hard enough to survive in a competitive economy, we’ll be able to buy, order, or summon anything we might need within 24 hours, and that is somehow progress. That instead of asking for help and support from the people and frien

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We think of ourselves as solitary and distinct, but in the end we’re all interdependent. The paradox is that acknowledging that you’re affected by others makes you a more confident and capable person. If you try to pretend you need nobody but yourself you’ll always be paranoid, untrusting, unwilling to let your guard down. Believe in a version of y... See more

The aloneness I keep referencing refers to a deep acknowledgement of your own brief place in the world, a small luminescent flicker in this great infinite darkness. The light is for you to bear and yours alone. No one is coming to tell you what to want, when to want it, when to leave and when to fight for anything. For some that feels like youth an... See more

Often, there’s a desire to cling onto how we thought life should go, sometimes until it outweighs the reality of how it is going — what makes us happy, versus what we feel should; what is truly stimulating or fulfilling, versus what we’ve been told should be chased and sacrificed for. A question I ponder is: How do we untether ourselves from the pe... See more

That’s the existential question for humanity in the 21st century. That’s the challenge in front of all of us. Will you shoulder the risk of pursuing real human connection, as hard and intimidating and discouraging as that can be? Or will you hide in your room forever, comforted by fast food and porn and opiates and therapy and TikTok, risking nothi

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Dependence starts when we’re born and lasts until we die. We accept our dependence as babies, and ultimately, with varying levels of resistance, we accept help as we get to the end of our lives. But in the middle of our lives, we mistakenly fall prey to the myth that successful people are those who help rather than need, and broken people need rath

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