The Emotionally Absent Mother: A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed

When we don’t feel this security, we’re less ready to leave the nest or even to look inside ourselves, and thus are hampered in our development.

“I am here for you” is a way of saying, “You can count on me. I’m not going to disappear on you.” Often this will relate to specific needs, but beyond that, it means “I am here as a consistent presence in your life.” This supports a sense of relaxation and trust.

Psychologists and others who study human development report that those qualities that are recognized in a child develop, whereas those that aren’t often wither away.

The stress response is mediated by the hormone cortisol, and insecurely attached children are disadvantaged by having too much of it circulating. High levels of cortisol have been associated with depression, anxiety, suicidal tendencies, eating disorders, and alcoholism. Too much cortisol can damage parts of the brain responsible for retrieving inf

When the world beats you down, when your marriage falls apart, when your feelings are hurt, you can always turn to Mother.

When the environment provides a secure sense of holding and containment (such as provided through boundaries and rules), this also feels like love.

Attachment has significant impact on our brain development, mental health, and future relationships.

We all need cheerleading at different times in life. It is especially helpful when we feel intimidated by a task. In cases where we may not have all the skills needed, it is most helpful when paired with Mother’s role as mentor, which I discuss next.

Better to be as self-sufficient as possible. A person with this style is more armored in relationships and tends to not allow much closeness. Letting others close enough to develop real feelings of attachment even much later in life feels scary; it is too close to the unbearable…

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