To avoid the bad feelings, the child slowly learns to identify only with what he thinks of as “good” and to deny anything “bad” as part of who he is. He actually starts limiting his identity to only include what he has come to believe is “acceptable” in the eyes of his parents. Yet another child may despair altogether of getting any good strokes

Most of us are driven by the eight-year-old within us. That child who didn't get his needs met is begging for acceptance. So it's useful to delve into your memory as far back as possible.