The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever

For bonus points, tell the person what you want as well.

A way to soften this question, as with all questions, is to use the phrase “Out of curiosity.” What that does is shift the question from perhaps coming across as an inquisition to being a more noble inquiry. Other phrases that can have a similar softening effect on the question being asked are “Just so I know…” or “To help me understand better…” or

Second (and possibly even more valuably), it stops you from thinking that you know how best to help and leaping into action.

the essential exchange: What do you want? What do I want? And now, what shall we do about that?

T is for tribe. The brain is asking, “Are you with me, or are you against me?”

The Lazy Question: How Can I Help? The power of “How can I help?” is twofold. First, you’re forcing your colleague to make a direct and clear request. That may be useful to him.

Some of my favourite replies are: FANTASTIC. I LIKE IT. GOOD ONE. NICE. YES, THAT’S GOOD. MMM-HMMM

The Strategic Question: If You’re Saying Yes to This, What Are You Saying No To?

“What will you say No to, to make this Yes rock-solid and real?”

change of behaviour at the heart of what this book is about is this: a little more asking people questions and a little less telling people what to do. But simple doesn’t mean easy, and theory’s no good if you don’t know how to put it into practice.