If I understand anything about that afternoon, about the whole of my life, it’s that sometimes the worst moments in our lives, the moments that set us spinning with ugly desires, that threaten to unglue us with the sheer impossibility of the pain we must endure, are in fact the moments that bring us to understand our worth.

He must be impressed by my performance, because he tosses me a loaf of bread—a gesture, as it turns out, that will later save my life. As evening turns to night, I share the bread with Magda and our bunkmates. I am grateful to have bread. I am grateful to be alive. In my first weeks at Auschwitz I learn the rules

Perfectionism is the belief that something is broken—you. So you dress up your brokenness with degrees, achievements, accolades, pieces of paper, none of which can fix what you think you are fixing.

As long as I was holding on to that rage, I was in chains with him, locked in the damaging past, locked in my grief. To forgive is to grieve—for what happened, for what didn’t happen—and to give up the need for a different past. To accept life as it was and as it is. I do not of course mean

Expression is the opposite of depression.

What else were we unconsciously teaching our children, about safety, values, love?

Now they suffer with their regret, and they cover their regret in blame. “Can we do the four questions?” I ask to disrupt

“Forgiveness isn’t you forgiving your molester for what he did to you,” I told her. “It’s you forgiving the part of yourself that was victimized and letting go of all blame. If you are willing, I can help guide you to your freedom. It will be like going over a bridge. It’s scary to look down below. But I’ll be right here with you. What do you

I used to ask my patients, “How can I help you?” But that kind of question makes them Humpty Dumpty, waiting around on the pavement to be put back together again. And it makes me the king’s horses and the king’s men, ultimately powerless to fix another person. I’ve changed my question. Now I say, “How can I be useful to you?” How can I support you