The Art of Subtle Influence

People are most receptive to feedback from people they like and trust. Therefore, a foundational part of subtle influence is keeping the relationship strong and making sure it doesn’t lead to a situation where most of your interactions are about trying to get the person to change.

The main way to do this is to make sure that you continue to have sha... See more

According to self-determination theory, humans have three basic needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. One reason why nudges toward change often backfire is that they can feel like a violation of autonomy, leading someone to do the opposite as a way to regain a sense of freedom.

As a result, well-intended feedback can actually reinforce the b... See more

When dealing with a cofounder or colleague who is stuck in a blind spot, we tend to use two core strategies:

• Confrontation —giving someone direct critical feedback or an ultimatum about something to change


• Passivity —hoping it will change on its own, deciding it’s not a big deal, or simply firing them to avoid dealing with the conflict

Historically,... See more