“The pyramid suggests that we should spend much more time and effort helping things go right than dealing with things that are going wrong. Unfortunately, however, these allocations of time and effort are typically reversed. We spend most of our time with others dealing with things that are going wrong. We try fixing our children, changing our

the more I edged in the darkness, the worse she seemed to me. When I chewed up a piece of the fence because I couldn’t see well, I felt a perverse sense of satisfaction. It proved how unreasonable Hannah was being.

“We’re quite happy to be here.

What are this person’s or people’s challenges, trials, burdens, and pains? • How am I, or some group of which I am a part, adding to these challenges, trials, burdens, and pains? • In what other ways have I or my group neglected or mistreated this person or group? • In what ways are my better-than, I-deserve, worse-than, and must-be-seen-as boxes

“I become an agent of change,” Yusuf continued, “only to the degree that I begin to live to help things go right rather than simply to correct things that are going wrong.

COLLUSION: A conflict where the parties are inviting the very things they’re fighting against

Generally speaking, we respond to others’ way of being toward us rather than to their behavior. Which is to say that our children respond more to how we’re regarding them than they do to our particular words or actions.

The Anatomy of Peace is the story of how they came together, how they help warring parents and children to come together, and how we too can find our way out of the struggles that weigh us down.

Lou realized in this moment that his father’s heart was at peace