The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict

“We’re quite happy to be here.

Generally speaking, we respond to others’ way of being toward us rather than to their behavior. Which is to say that our children respond more to how we’re regarding them than they do to our particular words or actions.

‘Okay. I’ll edge to keep peace in the family.’ And then I stalked to the garage, pulled out the Weed Eater, and edged for two solid hours. If she wanted edging, she was going to get edging!

She seemed just as small-minded, inconsiderate, demanding, unreasonable, and cold when I was edging as when I wasn

“‘Because most who are trying to put an end to injustice only think of the injustices they believe they themselves have suffered. Which means that they are concerned not really with injustice but with themselves. They hide their focus on themselves behind the righteousness of their outward cause.

“The pyramid suggests that we should spend much more time and effort helping things go right than dealing with things that are going wrong. Unfortunately, however, these allocations of time and effort are typically reversed. We spend most of our time with others dealing with things that are going wrong. We try fixing our children, changing our spou

The Anatomy of Peace explores the freeing and surprising implications of these ideas in all aspects of life.

“So if we are going to find lasting solutions to difficult conflicts or external wars we find ourselves in,” Yusuf said, “we first need to find our way out of the internal wars that are poisoning our thoughts, feelings, and attitudes toward others. If we can’t put an end to the violence within us, there is no hope for putting an end to the violence

Bitterness, envy, indifference, resentment—these are hallmarks of the hot and cold wars that fester in the hearts of family members, neighbors, colleagues, and former friends the world over.