If she is not already naked, help your woman take off her clothes. Go slowly; remember, for her you can never go too slowly. Linger. Show her that you care about every button, every hook, every zipper. Sit her down on the edge of the bed and kneel down in front of her. Remove her socks one at a time; help her slide her pants off. Then help her down

Your only job is to pay attention. There, in that moment of listening, of using your desire as a compass, you go from experiencing sex as a science to sex as an art. That is the switch that turns the lights on. It’s what your sex life is asking for.

Orgasm is the body’s ability to receive and respond to pleasure. Pure and simple. Climax is often a part of orgasm, but it is not the sum total. Make this distinction, and you change the whole game.

“Would you like to OM?” is all you need to say. You can let go of the song-and-dance routine, the romantic lines, the beating around the bush that normally come with making a sexual request, and simply ask. There is power in the clean, honest, straightforward communication of a desire. At the very least, it begs to be met by a similarly honest

This shift turns all our expectations about sex on their head, exchanging “faster” and “harder” for “slower” and “more connected.”

When you truly get turned on, you find that more energy, more sensation, and more connection are available during sex. More turn-on during sex means more turn-on everywhere else, too. Turn-on is the energy of life, of flow, of being carried by a force greater than yourself. And the way we access it is simple: we consciously engage our own desire.

Slow Sex is a way to approach sex that emphasizes sustainability, connection, and nourishment.

It’s the moments just prior to getting what we want that offer the richest experience of longing, of yearning.

Be unpredictable. Her orgasm responds to the element of surprise. Don’t think too hard—just let yourself feel. Follow your own sensation wherever it wants to take you; desire co-arises, so whatever feels best to you will be the path of most sensation for her, too. Learn to hold. Once you’ve gotten her to a place of intense sensation, don’t move.