Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm

since for women especially, frequent access to the pleasure of orgasm is the key to finding joy, nourishment, and sustainable happiness.

we are taught to reframe sensation as emotion. While the two are obviously related—nerves often do result in a fluttery feeling in the stomach—the message we’re getting is that when we feel sensation, the next step is interpretation. The sensation itself is not really worth discussing. Instead, when we feel something in the body, we either ignore i

describes in a few words what he sees. He then applies lube to his left forefinger and starts to stroke the sensitive left side of her clitoris using a very light touch. He continues to stroke for fifteen minutes, during which time both partners place their attention on the point of connection between them. The stroker may ask the receiver yes-or-n

If she is not already naked, help your woman take off her clothes. Go slowly; remember, for her you can never go too slowly. Linger. Show her that you care about every button, every hook, every zipper. Sit her down on the edge of the bed and kneel down in front of her. Remove her socks one at a time; help her slide her pants off. Then help her down

Run your fingers in a very light, circular motion over one of her nipples, taking care not to touch it. Repeat on the other side. Bring your mouth over her nipple and let the moist heat of your breath cover it, as if you were fogging up a window.

It nourishes not the part of us that wants a smashing finale, but the part of us that wants insight, ignition, and intimacy.

Women are conditioned not to ask for too much; men are conditioned that it’s a sign of weakness to stop and ask for directions. As is the way with Slow Sex, we’re in the business of breaking down conditioning and rebuilding our sex from the foundations.

All the rules we’ve been taught—fake it till you make it, win at any cost, suck it up, never give up—are effective if you want to get ahead in the world at the cost of any chance at true happiness. But the world of enjoyment has an entirely different set of rules: Increase attention rather than pressure. Fill up before you extend outward. Follow yo

Like the Slow Food movement, which turned the emphasis from fast-food convenience and cost-efficiency toward sustainable practices and eating for enjoyment, Slow Sex is a way to approach sex that emphasizes sustainability, connection, and nourishment. It