For women, on the other hand, the tendency is to try to make her sex—and especially her orgasm—look a particular way, the way it’s “supposed” to look. We try to live up to the expectations set by Hollywood, and Cosmo, and our best friend, Katie (who seems to always be having amazing sex, all the freaking time, and who never really gets that we don’

When it gets down to it, there must be a willingness to change your navigation device. We tend to navigate our lives using signposts set up for us by the world—norms, expectations, shoulds, and should nots.

If she is not already naked, help your woman take off her clothes. Go slowly; remember, for her you can never go too slowly. Linger. Show her that you care about every button, every hook, every zipper. Sit her down on the edge of the bed and kneel down in front of her. Remove her socks one at a time; help her slide her pants off. Then help her down

Women naturally desire sex that is connected, earthy, sensual, and artistic. We want the permission to be turned on.

living a vacuum-sealed suburban life where everyone bought their tomatoes from the Shop ’n Save and nobody talked about the fact that they weren’t delicious. Nobody really talked about the tomatoes at all. What was there to talk about? Tomatoes were tomatoes.

you’re giving her a verbal snapshot of a particularly sensational moment you remember from the OM you just completed. There are several good reasons for sharing frames. First, putting a sensation into words helps bridge the gap between the body—which has just had a very intense experience—and the mind, which (hopefully) was in hibernation during th

Your only job is to pay attention. There, in that moment of listening, of using your desire as a compass, you go from experiencing sex as a science to sex as an art. That is the switch that turns the lights on. It’s what your sex life is asking for.

human beings have a universal tendency to loathe what is in our best interest. In other words, the things that are most potentially transformative, that can heal us in the ways we most desperately desire to be healed; these are the things we most often have to wrestle ourselves to the ground over. Lifestyle changes like yoga, meditating, eating rig

Take a few more breaths, and settle in once again. This time, say “no, no, no, no, no” out loud. Notice where the “no” lands in your body. Where do you feel it? What is the texture, motion, speed, color, and pressure of the word “no”? How does it compare to the word “yes”? Step Four. Write for a few minutes in your journal about the difference betw