A well-loved child is set a challenging precedent. By its very nature, parental love works to conceal the effort which went into generating it. It shields the recipient from the donor’s complexity and sadness—and from an awareness of how many other interests, friends, and concerns the parent has sacrificed in the name of love. With infinite

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The parent-child bond was different. Even though the relationship started off with the parents in the role of the lowest sort of slaves (wiping the master’s butt, responsible for every meal, being screamed at for mysterious infractions in the middle of the night), what parents divorced their newborn? No, instead hopped up on hormones, they gasped

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It takes deep psychological work to love the child we have, not the one we imagined or would choose; to listen fully, respect their autonomy and offer wisdom only when asked. As Anna Freud said, “A mother’s job is to be there to be left.”