Show Him Your Heart

We have talked a lot about sharing negative feelings in this book. But this book wouldn’t be complete without talking about vulnerably sharing positive feelings and the affect they have on a man.

don’t use the word ‘control’ to describe this further in this book, to avoid confusion. Instead, I refer to it as being emotionally responsible. Being vulnerable is always emotionally responsible. Whereas avoiding, grasping, blaming, and leading is being emotionally irresponsible.

His joy, is to feel your joy. Knowing that it was his behavior that gave you that joy. That is what turns him on. That is what inspires him to do more of those behaviors that create those positive feelings for you. Whether that’s giving you gifts or compliments, doing nice things for you, spending time with you, teaching you, leading you, pleasurin

Now you might be thinking, why not just set a boundary? When I say ‘setting a boundary’ I am specifically referring to a woman telling a man ‘no’, ‘don’t’ or ‘stop’. “Stop telling me what to do.” “Don’t yell at me.” “No I am not going to continue this conversation.”

“I need to be by myself right now, I feel very anxious / angry / sad.”

Destructive judgments are statements about yourself or someone else that tear them down and aren’t helping pinpoint the problem and fix it. They will be delivered with negative ‘attacking’ energy. When judging yourself in this way, it is commonly called ‘beating yourself up’. And whether destructive or constructive, all judgments are masculine.

“May I share what I am feeling?” “Yes.” “I feel so much anxiety. I’m having trouble communicating.” “Why do you feel anxiety?” “Because I start to get defensive and lose control when you speak to me in that tone.” When a man becomes reactive, a woman can freeze, emotionally shut down and dissociate. This is a more common experience for women than m

Feminine energy does not lead towards an outcome. It’s expressing itself simply to express. It is following someone or something else’s lead. Which could be a man. But in my example, the dancer is following the lead of the music, purely for her own enjoyment. The music is telling her what to do. And she’s giving herself to it completely. And in so

If a woman has had to manipulate and control in an attempt to get her needs met her whole life, manipulation is all she knows. She doesn’t know what it even feels like to let go of the manipulative control pattern. She uses it at least some of the time to stay safe and avoid disapproval, abandonment, reactivity, criticism, and abuse.