Do you tend to see your children’s greedy “I wants” as the idolatry of possessions? Or do you think that it is simply natural—something that will be outgrown? If so, you will fail to help your children grapple with spiritual reality. You will never confront the sinful tendency to find meaning and significance in things. Life does not consist in the

If you don’t call him to be what God has called him to be, you end up giving him a standard of performance that is within the realm of his native abilities apart from grace. It is a standard that does not require knowing and trusting God. In other words, you either call your children to be what they cannot be apart from grace, or you reduce the

Dealing with children in this way avoids giving them a keepable standard so that they feel smug and righteous. They are faced with God’s ways and how much they need the radical, renovating work of Christ. When your child has come (by the work of the Holy Spirit and the exercise of the means God has ordained for nurturing children) to see his

The lawyer then sought to justify himself by asking, “And who is my neighbor?” Christ’s challenge was to help this man realize that at any point he was aware of a need, he had an obligation to meet that need.

Whatever motivates behavior trains the heart. If you motivate with shame you teach your children to respond to shame. If you motivate with emotional appeals you train them to respond to emotional appeal. If you motivate with promises of material things you train them to respond to material incentives. Many of us as adults can see character

They do address the heart, but these approaches are designed to use the idols of your child’s heart as a motivation for acceptable behavior.

Once or twice a year, you and your spouse should sit down and take stock of your children. Put this simple chart (Figure 9) at the head of the page. Under each category list all your concerns. List also the things you are pleased with. Develop some strategy for dealing with the areas of concern. If you do this, you will prepare yourselves with many

Your children need to accept and appreciate themselves as unique combinations of strengths and weaknesses—as persons who are exactly what God wanted them to be. Help them to embrace themselves as good enough to do all God has called them to do and has called them to be. In a word, you want them to be content with themselves.

Parenting is your primary calling. Parenting will mean that you can’t do all the things that you could otherwise do. It will affect your golf handicap. It may mean your home does not look like a picture from Better Homes and Gardens. It will impact your career and ascent on the corporate ladder. It will alter the kind of friendships you will be