Set My Heart To Five

JARED (V.O.) As my classmates spoke, I noticed a pattern. Their stories were all about making sure other humans understood that they were smart or funny or had once endured a minor injustice. None of them seemed to be familiar with R. P. McWilliam’s seventh golden rule, which is that a story must always be told for the benefit of the audience.

Cats always make excellent roommates for bots because like us they are binary. They possess only two behavioral settings – passivity or aggression – and always clearly signal which mode is currently active. By contrast, humans can exhibit multiple behaviors, including even both passivity and aggression simultaneously.

I luxuriated in the sensation I felt when my patients were late to our appointments. I looked on my Feelings Wheel and discovered that this was the feeling of being ‘irked’. Soon thereafter I found myself hoping that patients would be sufficiently late that I could cancel their appointments and wilfully ignore their complaints when they finally arr

I knew those data points about Dr Glundenstein because sometimes after our evening clinics he invited me into his consulting room across the corridor ‘to shoot the shit’. ‘To shoot the shit’ means ‘to patiently listen while a human drinks alcohol and complains about their concerns and grievances’. Nonetheless, I always cheerfully accepted the invit

When a human asks you how you are, the polite response is to tell them you are ‘fine’. That way you do not take away from any of their precious time talking about themselves. But on this Thursday I did not tell Dr Glundenstein I was fine. I told him about the decaying number in my Number Cloud that represented a decaying number of decaying teeth.