Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids

Tillie Olsen wrote: “In the twenty years I bore and reared my children . . . the simplest circumstances for creation did not exist.” It was a physical problem, a time problem; it was also a question of selfhood. “The obligation to be physically attractive and patient and nurturing and docile and sensitive and deferential . . . contradicts and must

Raising children should not be as lonely, bankrupting, and exhausting as it is.

The truth about children is that they are here to meet their needs, not ours. Some parents don’t realize this and think that children should be willing to act against their self-interest, give up what they want most, and do whatever a parent asks.

“Whenever I read that sort of thing, or every time an exhausted colleague complains to me—and of course this is between you and me—I’m shocked by how shallow and selfish they are. Really. You can see it coming, too. It’s just like, you wanted this, you did this. How can you complain about it now? It’s not like I don’t understand. It’s a long time,