In the previous section, I mentioned three capacities of Self—Inner Curiosity, Inner Caring, and Respect for Parts. These are what I call client capacities because they help with the IFS process.

As discussed in the last chapter, protectors act out extreme roles in reaction to situations that threaten to cause you pain, shame, fear, or grief. They want to protect you from feeling such emotions, and they think this entire burden falls on their shoulders. They don’t know about the Self, and they don’t trust you to be able to handle a

There are two additional clues to recognizing that a part is blending as it is telling its story. 1. You start speaking as the part rather than reporting, in the third person, what the part is telling you. Instead of saying, “The part feels upset with my sister,” you say, “My sister is a bitch.” You have become the part rather than looking at it.

You have three options for going about this: 1. Start with a trailhead (see explanation below). Notice all the parts related to the trailhead and then choose one. 2. Start with a part you already know about and access it. 3. Access all the parts activated at the current moment and then choose one to focus on.

When you ask how you are feeling toward the target part, if you have a non-Self attitude, you need to return to Self before you can effectively get to know the target part. Otherwise, the non-Self attitude will undermine your relationship with it. The part probably won’t reveal much of itself to you, or it won’t give you permission to work with the

A concerned part is a part that has a negative feeling toward the target part, or any feeling other than those of the Self (Curiosity, Compassion, and so on).

Exiles are young child parts who are in pain from the past. While protectors try to keep us from feeling pain, exiles are the parts in pain. They are the ones the protectors are trying to protect us from.

Full transformation requires direct experience of a part and a trusting relationship with it, something we will see clearly as the book unfolds.

Go inside and make contact with the part experientially through your emotions, images, body sensations, and internal voices. There are a variety of internal channels for accessing a part: Feelings. You feel the emotion, attitude, or desire that characterizes the part, which gives you a felt sense of it. Body Sensations. You sense the bodily