Self-Therapy : A Step-by-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness Using IFS, A Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy, 3rd Edition

The Self is the key to healing and integrating our disparate parts through its Compassion, Curiosity, Attunement, and other capacities. It is also the natural leader of our inner family, a guide through the adventures of life.

Exiles are young child parts who are in pain from the past. While protectors try to keep us from feeling pain, exiles are the parts in pain. They are the ones the protectors are trying to protect us from.

Here are the most basic and useful questions to ask a protector with examples of the protector’s answers in italics. • What do you hope to accomplish by playing this role? I want to make sure you only open up to people who are safe. • What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do this? I’m afraid you would be betrayed. • What emotions are you a

In reality, most protectors are child parts that developed their protective strategy when you were young and didn’t have the capacity to act in skillful and mature ways. So their actions are simplistic and often extreme like a child’s, and their strategies carry over into adulthood.

Protection from External Harm. Some protectors try to keep an exile from being harmed by other people, like the enraged protector mentioned above that wants to prevent the exile from being controlled. These protectors see the exile as vulnerable and unable to protect itself.

There are two goals for IFS therapy: one, to heal your parts so their extreme roles are converted to capacities, and two, to help them cooperate with each other under the leadership of the Self.

The most potent question to ask here is: “What are you afraid you would feel if you didn’t (perform your role)?”

You just feel into your body and emotions, you listen for voices, and you notice images. Access is like shining the flashlight of consciousness on that part.

If you notice anger, judgment, fear, or anything negative, you aren’t in Self. But don’t worry. You aren’t doing anything wrong. It just means another part is blended with you that is feeling the anger, judgment, or fear. I will call this the concerned part because it has concerns about the target part. It is fearful or worried about what kinds of