How might we still be OK, even if it all fell apart? Entertaining the most extreme consequences can be the best way to finally neuter an otherwise nagging concern. One by one, we should confront the worst, and see that it is, for the most part, very survivable.

We are sad about particular things, but confronting them would be so arduous that we generalise and universalise the sadness. We don’t say that X or Y has made us sad; we say that everything is terrible and everyone is awful.

Entertaining the most extreme consequences can be the best way to finally neuter an otherwise nagging concern. One by one, we should confront the worst, and see that it is, for the most part, very survivable.

They are the one who suffer our irritability, gloom, manufactured cheerfulness or our defensive rationalisations. We act unfairly, so they back off and keep a distance. We grow isolated and friendless.

– What am I presently anxious about? – What am I presently upset about? – What am I presently excited about?

Distraction or addiction We identify something that can very effectively keep our thoughts away from troubling inner confrontations. Online pornography is a favourite, the news another, alcohol a third, work a fourth. We don’t so much like these elements in and of themselves; we like them for their ability to keep us away from what we fear.

Denigration We tell ourselves that we simply don’t care about something – love or politics, career success or intellectual life, that beautiful student or the house we can’t afford. And we are very emphatic about our lack of interest and disdain. We go to great lengths to make it clear to others and ourselves how absolutely unconcerned we are. Ther

Feeling offended takes up all our attention. It muddies the waters. We no longer have to pay attention to information that is correct but challenging.

Emotional Identity Questionnaire Give a score to each of the statements below, on a scale from 1 to 5: 1 = That’s not true. 2 = That’s not very true, but there’s a glimmer of recognition. 3 = I don’t know – maybe, maybe not. 4 = A bit true, but I have a few reservations. 5 = Yes, that’s true. Self-Love 1. If people knew who I really was deep down,