Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

realized that by giving myself kindness and understanding, I could start to heal.

We all know that positive, reassuring messages create the mind-state most conducive to working hard and reaching one’s highest potential. We need to feel calm, secure, and confident in order to do our best. That’s why when we try to motivate those we love, we usually bend over backward to let them know we believe in them, that they have our undying

One of the downsides of living in a culture that stresses the ethic of independence and individual achievement is that if we don’t reach our ideal goals, we feel that we only have ourselves to blame.

Because I wanted so desperately to be loved and accepted, I began to change myself into the person he thought I should be.

but it didn’t last long. It seemed phony to her and took way too much effort.

Self-criticism serves as a submissive behavior because it allows us to abase ourselves before imaginary others who pronounce judgment over

By sacrificing ourselves to the insatiable god of self-esteem, we are trading the ever-unfolding wonder and mystery of our lives for a sterile Polaroid snapshot. Instead of reveling in the richness and complexity of our experience—the joy and the pain, the love and anger, the passion, the triumphs and the tragedies—we try to capture and sum up our

Because human beings tend to live in hierarchical social groups, those who are dominant within their group are less likely to be rejected and have more access to valued resources.

A. List up to ten aspects of yourself that play a significant role in your self-esteem—things that either make you feel good or bad about yourself (job performance, role as parent, weight, etc.).

Once I stopped cringing and found the bravery to look closely, I could see more precisely where I had gone wrong.