Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

you’re upset because you notice you’ve gained a few pounds, or if you get pulled over for a traffic violation, it’s often hard to remember that these are moments of suffering worthy of compassion.

There’s nothing wrong with occasionally indulging yourself, of course. Sometimes eating that piece of lemon cheesecake is actually a form of self-care. But overindulgence (i.e., eating the whole cheesecake) doesn’t feel good. It’s counterproductive because it prevents us from getting what we really want: to reach our highest potential.

Whenever you’re feeling bad about something, think about what you’ve just said to yourself. Try to be as accurate as possible, noting your inner speech verbatim.

When we consistently give ourselves nurturance and understanding, we also come to feel worthy of care and acceptance. When we give ourselves empathy and support, we learn to trust that help is always at hand. When we wrap ourselves in the warm embrace of self-kindness, we feel safe and secure.

In your journal, write down anything that you felt bad about, anything you judged yourself for, or any difficult experience that caused you pain.

“Darling, I know you ate that bag of cookies because you’re feeling really sad right now and you thought it would cheer you up. But you feel even worse and are not feeling good in your body. I want you to be happy, so why don’t you take a long walk so you feel better?” While engaging in this supportive self-talk, try gently stroking your arm, or ho

This insecurity means that children can’t trust their parents to soothe their distress—to kiss the boo-boo and make it go away. They learn that the world is really not safe, that their parents can’t be relied upon.

realized that by giving myself kindness and understanding, I could start to heal.

We certainly feel the sting of falling short of our ideals, but our mind tends to focus on the failure itself, rather than the pain caused by failure. This is a crucial difference.

“Feeling unworthy goes hand in hand with feeling separate from others, separate from life. If we are defective, how can we possibly belong? It seems like a vicious cycle: the more deficient we feel, the more separate and vulnerable we feel.”