Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: Honor Your Emotions, Nurture Your Self, and Live with Confidence

The truth about children is that they are here to meet their needs, not ours. Some parents don’t realize this and think that children should be willing to act against their self-interest, give up what they want most, and do whatever a parent asks.

more meaningful and deeper experience of life than the control-obsessed ego could ever imagine.

The loud, adamant ego voice wants you to obey. The still, small voice wants you to think. “Take all the time you need,” it seems to say, “I want you to feel sure about this.” The ego voice says the opposite: “Hurry up! Who cares how you feel? I’ll tell you what’s right!”

Don’t forget that your vitality comes from thinking up ideas, whether simple or profound, and then seeing them through start to finish. Anyone who tries to help by taking over or by making unsolicited suggestions, even a parent or spouse, just doesn’t understand that the excitement lies in the autonomy of action, not just in getting the thing done.

Because emotion is an intense neurochemical activity inside our very own body, our instinct is to take it completely seriously. A few squirts of neurotransmitter in our brain, and our view of the world is drenched in the emotional color of the moment. We usually do not wonder if our emotions are giving us the straight scoop. If we feel it, it must

Buddhism promoted the idea that our thoughts make up our emotional reality and that the bulk of our suffering comes from clinging to painful beliefs that exhaust and hurt us. According to Buddhism, in order to free ourselves from needless suffering, we must investigate our rigid beliefs and seek compassion for both ourselves and other people.

brain malware is characterized by contradictory messages, mutually exclusive values, and absolute commandments that are full of exceptions. You can’t succeed if you use mental malware to think with.

You do this by contemplating each thought that makes you feel bad until you can spot its illogic and where it likely came from. Question it, disagree with it, and argue against it like a lawyer’s cross-examination. Little by little, you can loosen the hold it has on you. Once you realize you have been unwittingly programmed, you can coolly observe

Their attitude toward their inner experience is full of shame. Not trusting their inner guidance, they are sheepish about their real feelings. But your inner experience is who you are. It’s your job to notice and understand what goes on inside you. To be emotionally healthy, you need to be as available to yourself as you would be with someone you l

When you force yourself to think hard at problem-solving, you use a part of your brain that tires quickly, especially when you are anxious. Pushing hard for a solution may give you lists of pros and cons, but these don’t necessarily get you to the crux of the issue. By overusing this intense part of your brain, you end up tired, frustrated, and oft