Saying Kaddish: How to Comfort the Dying, Bury the Dead, and Mourn as a Jew

In marked contrast to Christian funerals, which usually mention a reward in heaven or reunion with God and/or loved ones, the Jewish funeral liturgy never speaks of death as a “better place.”

Offer reassurance that, as much as you will miss her, you and the rest of the family will be all right.

That the recitation of words long dead can remain a source of consolation testifies to the fact that Kaddish transcends language. Its comforts are rooted in preverbal ways of knowing. Like a mother’s heartbeat against the infant ear, Kaddish makes an elemental sound—natural as rain on a wooden roof and as human as a lullaby.

The text is secondary to the emotional experience of its recitation. The meaning only comes clear when given communal voice.

Kaddish is given to mourners precisely because they are most aware of the fragility of life.

the idea that everyone deserves a hesped reflects the belief that every human being is of value.

Remember that you cannot give your all to someone else when your own resources are depleted.

Eulogies that summon laughter are healing and entirely appropriate because they recall the whole person, not just his or her death.

In the mouth of the mourner, these words affirm that even death is part of God’s creation.