Saying Kaddish: How to Comfort the Dying, Bury the Dead, and Mourn as a Jew

there is no denying death—which makes it possible for healing to begin.

helping to fill the grave means you have left nothing undone.

With this prayer, aninut ends and mourners begin the next period of grief, called avelut.

The death of a baby or child and accidental or untimely deaths call for different words.

Eulogies that summon laughter are healing and entirely appropriate because they recall the whole person, not just his or her death.

This “exception to the rule” is not unprecedented as there are some Talmudic references to ornaments—“spices and twigs”—at burials.

the idea that everyone deserves a hesped reflects the belief that every human being is of value.

The rabbis of the Talmud viewed flowers as remnants of pagan customs and ruled them inappropriate for Jewish funerals. There is also a sense that money spent on flowers is better spent on a more meaningful tribute of charity.

Among liberal Jews, cremation does not preclude sitting shiva, saying Kaddish, or observing other traditions of mourning.