Researchers Penelope Lockwood and Ziva Kunda found that the difference between being inspired by a role model and being demoralized by one comes down to two things: relevance and attainability. When you relate to someone you look up to, you get motivated. And when that person makes you feel you can do that too, bang—that produces real results.

When you choose the right exemplars—people with standards higher than yours—you can transcend the standards you’ve inherited from parents, friends, and acquaintances. Your exemplars show you what your standards should be. As Peter Kaufman once told me, “No technique has been more responsible for my success in life than studying and adopting the