Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity

Ruinously empathetic praise “Just trying to say something nice”

JOBS: The most important thing I think you can do for somebody who’s really good and who’s really being counted on is to point out to them when they’re not—when their work isn’t good enough. And to do it very clearly and to articulate why … and to get them back on track.

They’re pleasant to work with, but as time goes by their employees start to realize that the only guidance they’ve received is “good job” and other vaguely positive comments.

Bosses rarely intend to ruin an employee’s chance of success or to handicap the entire team by letting poor performance slide. And yet that is often the net result of Ruinous Empathy.

Start by getting feedback, in other words, not by dishing it out. Then when you do start giving it, start with praise, not criticism. When you move on to criticism, make sure you understand where the perilous border between Radical Candor and Obnoxious Aggression is.

These were the painful mistakes I made in the story from the Introduction with Bob, whom I didn’t criticize and then had to fire.

Why, then, is it important to give more praise than criticism? Several reasons. First, it guides people in the right direction.

When bosses are too invested in everyone getting along, they also fail to encourage the people on their team to criticize one another for fear of sowing discord.

Their direct reports never know where they stand, and they aren’t being given an opportunity to learn or grow; they often stall or get fired.

The key to soliciting criticism from the Dublin team was not to react defensively.