Playful Parenting: An Exciting New Approach to Raising Children That Will Help You Nurture Close Connections, Solve Behavior Problems, and Encourage Confidence

Just as Playful Parenting provides the key for helping children unlock the tower of isolation, engaging playfully with children also helps them build the confidence it takes to step out of the tower of powerlessness.

She comes home, and what game does she want to play? Doctor, of course. And who does she want to be? The doctor or nurse, the giver of the shot—definitely not the patient. And who does she want to give it to? Well, her first choice is a parent or another adult. If no one is available, she might use a stuffed animal or doll. And how does she want th

Many parents tell me, “I could never be as goofy as you.” I am not sure whether to take this as a compliment or an insult, but either way, it just takes practice. Contrary to what my daughter might tell you, I had to train myself to be as goofy as I am today. I had to get over my shyness and embarrassment about playing on the climbing structure wit

While adult therapy tends to cast parents as the villains, I started to see what a powerful positive force they can be in their children's lives. And the single most important skill parents could acquire, it seemed to me, was playing. Fortunately, unlike many personality changes we might like to make, better playing skills can be learned pretty eas

Some children—those who are really hurting badly—spend most of their time feeling isolated and powerless, and little or no time playing freely. But even the healthiest, best-loved children will retreat into these two fortresses when they feel scared, overwhelmed, or abandoned.

A shot at the doctor's office or a spanking from Mom or Dad are only two of the thousands of childhood injuries and insults that need emotional healing. None of us gets all of our needs perfectly met; none of us escapes childhood without insult or injury. And that's not all. Besides the big traumas and little upsets, children also need to process t

After just a few times playing this game, getting dressed on her own became a habit, and I didn't have to spend every morning making up doll dialogue. Once in a while after that, instead of being pokey and driving me nuts, she would say, “Come in and be those people saying I can't get dressed.” Playfulness turned a time that used to be full of frus

It took me way too long to figure out that nagging wasn't ever going to help. Finally, out of desperation more than cleverness, I picked up two of her dolls and I made one of them say (in a nasty voice), “Oh, she can't get dressed by herself; she doesn't know how to get dressed by herself.” Then I made the other one say (in a cheerfully encouraging

Children who are frustrated too much, or are unable to use play to master their world, retreat into what I call the tower of powerlessness.

Play is also a way to be close and, even more important, a way to reconnect after closeness has been severed. Chimpanzees like to tickle one another's palms, especially after they have had a fight. Thus, the second purpose of play serves our incredible—almost bottomless—need for attachment and affection and closeness. The third purpose of play for