Platonic: How Understanding Your Attachment Style Can Help You Make and Keep Friends

The truth is, what feels vulnerable for us reveals something deeper about what we’ve learned to be ashamed of.

Those who could form relationships and call upon those relationships in times of need survived.

when we downplay our feelings, we invite misunderstanding.

It may seem like avoidants are strong. They possess incredible self-sufficiency and don’t seem to need anyone. But we are social creatures, remember? We are hardwired to need people, and when we claim we don’t, something is amiss. Studies find that even though avoidants appear cool and collected during times of strife, inside their bodies are freak

Even if you put yourself out there and don’t make any new friends, one or many times, it doesn’t mean that you’re no good at making friends. In fact, as a psychologist, I encourage my clients to reward themselves for the process rather than the outcome. I’m proud of you if you are able to initiate, no matter whether you make friends.

Anxious people are so vigilant for rejection that they register cues of it while ignoring signals of their acceptance.

I rationalized my behavior by assuming “we just don’t vibe,” but the truth is, I felt threatened by all the new people, worried they wouldn’t like me, so I didn’t give us a chance to connect.

If we want to make and keep friends, we need to swim against the tides of disconnection that have been gradually contaminating us for centuries.

participants believed their self-critical thoughts when those thoughts were actually distorting the truth.