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Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person
In the era of the institutional marriage, from the nation’s founding until around 1850, the prevalence of individual farming households meant that the main requirements Americans had for their marriage revolved around things like food production, shelter and protection from violence.
In the era of the companionate marriage, from roughly 1850 until 1
... See moreEli J. Finkel • Opinion | The All-or-Nothing Marriage (Published 2014)
The person who is best suited to us is not the person who shares our every taste (he or she doesn’t exist), but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently — the person who is good at disagreement. Rather than some notional idea of perfect complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate differences with generosity that is the tr
... See moreAlain de Botton • Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person
Neuroses or personality problems ruin marriages. Research has found only the weakest connection between run-of-the-mill neuroses and failing at love. The reason: We all have issues we’re not totally rational about. We call these triggers “enduring vulnerabilities,” a term we borrowed from Tom Bradbury of UCLA. They don’t necessarily interfere with
... See moreJohn Gottman • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
Fragile couples tend, paradoxically, to be very hopeful about love. They associate happiness with conflict-free unions. They do not expect, once they have found the person they unwisely see as The One, ever to need to squabble, storm out of a room or feel unhappy for the afternoon. When trouble emerges, as it inevitably does, they do not greet it a
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