Opinion | Matthew Perry and the Loneliness of Addiction

Sex requires someone else, usually. Drugs are for being alone. People who like to get fucked up with other people are not people I like to get fucked up with. Because getting fucked up is for doing alone. Or, very rarely, with someone who is likeminded and handles their drugs well; who doesn’t talk too much and will let you rest your legs on their

The addict seeks to escape the pain of being human in one of two ways — by transcending it or by anesthetizing it.

A pleasure-pain balance tilted to the side of pain is what drives people to relapse even after sustained periods of abstinence. When our balance is tilted to the pain side, we crave our drug just to feel normal (a level balance). The neuroscientist George Koob calls this phenomenon “dysphoria driven relapse,” wherein a return to using is driven not

addiction emerges out of a lack of inner experience of intimacy with oneself, with God, with life, and with the moment.

It’s good to be alone, society tells us, it’s self-care. When a friend is going through a trying time, we prescribe loneliness masquerading as empowerment. Tough breakup? Grab a copy of Eat, Pray, Love, and go on a month-long silent meditation retreat. Hard week at work? Pour yourself a glass of wine, cancel your plans, and binge on Netflix until y