The relentless pursuit of pleasure (and avoidance of pain) leads to pain. Recovery begins with abstinence. Abstinence resets the brain’s reward pathway and with it our capacity to take joy in simpler pleasures. Self-binding creates literal and metacognitive space between desire and consumption, a modern necessity in our dopamine-overloaded world.

We must be willing to move forward despite being uncertain of what lies ahead. We must have faith that actions today that seem to have no impact in the present moment are in fact accumulating in a positive direction, which will be revealed to us only at some unknown time in the future.

I urge you to find a way to immerse yourself fully in the life that you’ve been given. To stop running from whatever you’re trying to escape, and instead to stop, and turn, and face whatever it is. Then I dare you to walk toward it. In this way, the world may reveal itself to you as something magical and awe-inspiring that does not require escape.

I made a conscious decision to reimmerse myself in patient care, focusing on the aspects of my work that had always been rewarding: relationships with my patients over time, and immersion in narrative as a way to bring order to the world. In doing so, I was able to emerge from compulsive romance reading into a more rewarding and meaningful career.

Social media propels our tendency toward self-shame by inviting so much invidious distinction. We’re now comparing ourselves not just to our classmates, neighbors, and coworkers, but to the whole world, making it all too easy to convince ourselves that we should have done more, or gotten more, or just lived differently.

Even when no one else is pointing the finger at us, we’re all too ready to point it at ourselves.

Mutual honesty precludes shame and presages an intimacy explosion, a rush of emotional warmth that comes from feeling deeply connected to others when we’re accepted despite our flaws. It is not our perfection but our willingness to work together to remedy our mistakes that creates the intimacy we crave. This kind of intimacy explosion is almost

I also sent the message that we can’t be good at everything, and it’s important to know what you’re good at and what you’re not good at, so you can make wise decisions.

Together we reaffirmed as a family that ours is one in which people will make mistakes but not be permanently condemned or cast out. We’re learning and growing together.