Odd Girl Out: My Extraordinary Autistic Life

I don’t know how to be involved with the minutiae of other people’s lives.

I want to ask him how I can be myself when he gets so irritated by the things I do.

Often in ASD you are searching for the patterns of life—looking for patterns in interactions and then analyzing them, imitating them, and faking them.

This is important. When a place looks different from the way it’s been represented on websites or in brochures, I feel confused, as if I don’t know which version to believe.

If I don’t focus on people, they fall into the background of my world.

Mimicking the behavior, style of speech, interests, and social interactions of others provides something akin to a blueprint for life.

If anything, all I want to do is quash the fear that envelops me and takes over my mind at times. If I can just achieve neutral more often and learn to do the things that come easily to others, then I think I may finally be content.

The conversation ends there. Unresolved. It’s as if we both know there will be no winner, only losers.

I don’t think feeling strong emotions would make my life any better. I can see why my being fiery or an adventurer would enhance Tim’s life, however. He hates living in the gray. He wants the peaks and troughs.