NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children

significantly more effective if we simply waited until the end of second grade to test them.

From age 3 to age 10, two-thirds of children’s IQ scores will improve, or drop, more than 15 points.

Kids pick up on the power of “Don’t Tell” and learn they can silence one another with it.

When the child—who’s put up with as much as he can handle—finally comes to tell the parent the honest truth, he hears, in effect, “Stop bringing me your problems!”

It becomes easier, psychologically, to lie to a parent.

Encouraged to tell so many white lies, children gradually get comfortable with being disingenuous. Insincerity becomes, literally, a daily occurrence. They learn that honesty only creates conflict, while dishonesty is an easy way to avoid conflict.

What really works is to tell the child, “I will not be upset with you if you peeked, and if you tell the truth, I will be really happy.” This is an offer of both immunity and a clear route back to good standing. Talwar explained this latest finding: “Young kids are lying to make you happy—trying to please you.” So telling kids that the truth will m

Any false statement—regardless of intent or belief—is a lie.

shushing them only sends the message that this topic is unspeakable, which makes race more loaded, and more intimidating.