In any conflict, he didn’t choose sides or even care primarily what their stories were. Recognizing that all stories lead to conflict, either overtly or covertly, he focused on connections as a psychological bridge.

Thinking based on “who deserves what” blocks compassionate communication.

NVC helps us create a more peaceful state of mind by encouraging us to focus on what we are truly wanting rather than on what is wrong with others or ourselves.

pain engendered by damaging cultural conditioning is such an integral part of our lives that we can no longer distinguish its presence. It takes tremendous energy and awareness to recognize this destructive learning and to transform it into thoughts and behaviors that are of value and of service to life.

Despite that, as soon as I express empathy toward one side, it is not unusual for the other side to immediately accuse me of favoritism. At this time, what’s called for is emergency first-aid empathy. This might sound like “So you’re really annoyed, and you need some assurance that you’re going to get your side on the table?”

These stories are self-created fictions that remain intact through habit, group coercion, old conditioning, and lack of self-awareness. Even the best stories collaborate in violence.

There is a story of a man on all fours under a street lamp, searching for something. A policeman passing by asked what he was doing. “Looking for my car keys,” replied the man, who appeared slightly drunk. “Did you drop them here?” inquired the officer. “No,” answered the man, “I dropped them in the alley.” Seeing the policeman’s baffled

Ignorance includes (1) a lack of awareness of the consequences of our actions, (2) an inability to see how our needs may be met without injury to others, (3) the belief that we have the right to punish or hurt others because they “deserve” it, and (4) delusional thinking that involves, for example, hearing a voice that instructs us to kill someone.

What empowers us, for example, to stay connected to our compassionate nature even under the worst circumstances?