What’s most important is that every connection along the line mirrors the kind of world we’re trying to create.

“In spite of all similarities, every living situation has, like a newborn child, a new face, that has never been before and will never come again. It demands of you a reaction that cannot be prepared beforehand. It demands nothing of what is past. It demands presence, responsibility; it demands you.”

We need empathy to give empathy.

Many mediations I have witnessed consist of waiting for people to wear down to the point where they’ll accept any compromise. This is very different from a resolution in which everyone’s needs are met and nobody experiences loss.

when the sole energy that motivates us is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even hard work has an element of play in it.

This may take extensive practice, whereby over and over again, we consciously replace the phrase “I am angry because they … ” with “I am angry because I am needing … ”

Choosing to request rather than demand does not mean we give up when someone says no to our request. It does mean that we don’t engage in persuasion until we have empathized with what’s preventing the other person from saying yes.

What happens to disconnect us from our compassionate nature, leading us to behave violently and exploitatively? And conversely, what allows some people to stay connected to their compassionate nature under even the most trying circumstances?

If we can hear the need behind a “no,” we can continue the conflict resolution process—maintaining our focus on finding a way to meet everybody’s needs—even if the other party says “no” to the particular strategy we presented them.