No More Mr. Nice Guy

Puts the Nice Guy in charge of his own sexual needs ■Removes dependency on unavailable partners or pornography

They believe that if anyone sees how bad they really are, they will be hurt, shamed, or abandoned.

The Nice Guy Syndrome represents a belief that if Nice Guys are “good,” they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life.

Beneath this facade of needlessness and wantlessness, all Nice Guys are actually extremely needy. Consequently, when they go about trying to get their needs met, Nice Guys are frequently indirect, unclear, manipulative, and controlling.

Caretaking 1. Gives to others what the giver needs to give 2. Comes from a place of emptiness within the giver 3. Always has unconscious strings attached Caring 1. Gives to others what the receiver needs 2. Comes from a place of abundance within the giver 3. Has no strings attached

Nice Guys are often terrible listeners because they are too busy trying to figure out how to defend themselves or fix the other person’s problem.

As stated above, the Nice Guys I counsel are generally intelligent, talented men. As these men work on recovering from the Nice Guy Syndrome, they begin to accept themselves just as they are. This acceptance of the self allows them to embrace their passions and face their fears.

Since getting their needs met contradicts their childhood paradigms, Nice Guys are extremely uncomfortable when they actually do get what they want.

I learned to come home prepared for the worst. I later recreated the same pattern in my marriage. I projected my father’s unpredictable moods onto my wife and would frequently arrive home prepared for her to be angry. Even if she was in a good mood, my defensiveness often triggered some kind of confrontation between us.