All grew up believing that it was a bad or dangerous thing for them to have needs. All grew up convinced that if they were going to have anything in life, it would be up to them.

Fantasizing during sex makes about as much sense as thinking about a Big Mac while eating a gourmet meal. About the only thing fantasy accomplishes is to distract a person from his shame and fear or cover up the fact that he is having bad sex.

The purpose of this assignment is to name rather than blame. Blaming will keep you stuck. Naming these childhood experiences will allow you to replace these messages with more accurate ones and help you change your Nice Guy script.

A conscious decision to face fears. • A conscious decision to not settle for mediocrity. • A conscious decision to make my own rules. Think about

The progression from perfect little boy to Nice Guy basically occurs in three stages: abandonment, internalization of toxic shame, and the creation of survival mechanisms.

Matt’s mother had always portrayed his dad as a villain while representing herself as a victim. While talking with his father, Matthew came to the realization that even though his dad had problems, he wasn’t bad like his mother had made him out to be. From this encounter, Matthew also realized that he had created a similar scenario with his wife,

Helpless, whiny, wimpy, and needy are not attractive on a man. Confidence and self-assurance are attractive. Most folks are attracted to men who have a sense of self. Putting the self first doesn’t drive people away, it attracts them.

no one had quit liking him or removed their love from him. Likewise, washing and waxing his car after a month didn’t make anyone like him better or garner him any new friends.

I support them in talking explicitly about their sexuality. In our culture, most sex talk is done in pornographic, demeaning, moralizing, shaming, clinical, or joking ways.