Nice Guys often try to be different from their fathers. Many Nice Guys report having unavailable, absent, passive, angry, philandering, or alcoholic fathers. It is not unusual for these men to make a decision at some point in their lives to try to be 180 degrees different from Dad.

This process begins by just talking about himself. This in itself makes many Nice Guys uncomfortable. Over time, the recovering Nice Guy can begin revealing the things about himself that he is the least comfortable letting others see. Once trust has been established, he can begin

The bright lights of success threaten to illuminate their self-perceived cracks and flaws.

This terrifies Nice Guys, because being known means being found out. All Nice Guys have worked their entire lives to become what they believe others want them to be while trying to hide their perceived flaws.

“I think it is a good thing that he is in the Marines and connecting with men. You can support that too. If you two continue dating or even marry, encourage his relationships with men. They are the one hope you have of him breaking his monogamous bond with his mother.”

Nice Guys carry out this unconscious agenda by connecting with needy or unavailable people, operating from an unspoken agenda, being unclear and indirect, pushing people away, and sabotaging.

He is lonely and no one pays attention to him. •A parent gets angry at him. •A parent neglects him. •A parent puts unrealistic expectations on him.

spent most effectively when the Nice Guy can observe his tendency to distract himself with addictive patterns, such as keeping busy, or using sex, food, or alcohol to medicate.

This bond might have formed if they had to please an angry, critical, or controlling mother. More often than not, the bond was the result of being forced to take care of a needy, dependent, or smothering mother. Without a supportive father, these boys had to negotiate an impossible situation on their own.