No More Mr. Nice Guy

As I began exploring my own Nice Guy behaviors—caretaking, giving to get, fixing, keeping the peace, avoiding conflict, seeking approval, hiding mistakes—I started noticing numerous men with similar traits in my counseling practice.

Nice Guys tend to express their frustration and resentment in indirect, roundabout, and not so nice ways. This includes being unavailable, forgetting, being late, not following through, not being able to get an erection, climaxing too quickly, and repeating the same annoying behaviors even when they have promised to never do them again.

Nice Guys frequently have problems in intimate relationships. Though Nice Guys often put tremendous emphasis on this part of their lives, their intimate relationships are frequently a source of struggle and frustration.

Nice Guys are manipulative. Nice Guys tend to have a hard time making their needs a priority and have difficulty asking for what they want in clear and direct ways. This creates a sense of powerlessness. Therefore, they frequently resort to manipulation when trying to get their needs met.

He is clear, direct, and expressive of his feelings.

Second, children are ego-centered. This means that they inherently believe they are the center of the universe and everything revolves around them. Therefore, they believe that they are the cause of everything that happens to them. These two factors—their fear of abandonment and their ego-centeredness—create a very powerful dynamic for all children

Sacrificing their personal power and playing the role of a victim

about everything a Nice Guy does is consciously or unconsciously calculated to gain someone’s approval or to avoid disapproval.

about every relationship and social situation, even from strangers and people they don’t like.