Want your kids to listen to you better? Be brief. Once you address the behavior and the feelings behind the behavior, move on.

Our ultimate goal isn’t that our children do what we want them to do because we’re watching them or telling them what to do. (That would be fairly impractical, after all, unless we plan on living and going to work with them for the rest of their lives.) Rather, we want to help them learn to make positive and productive choices on their own in

Again, this is about teaching kids that they don’t have to be stuck in an experience. They can also be observers and therefore change agents.

The point of an exercise like this isn’t to tell your daughter not to worry about her basketball game. Not at all. We want to encourage our kids to feel their feelings, and to share them with us. The sensing mode that lets us experience directly is an important mode of processing. But along the way, we want to give them perspective and help them

We want our kids to not only feel their feelings and sense their sensations, but also to be able to notice how their body feels, to be able to witness their own emotions. We want them to pay attention to their emotions (“I’m noticing that I’m feeling kind of sad,” or “My frustration isn’t grape-size right now; it’s like a watermelon!”).

Being playful is a great way to break through a child’s bubble of high emotion, so you can then help him gain control of himself.

However it happens, make it happen. By repairing and reconnecting as soon as we can, and in a sincere and loving manner, we reconnect and send the message that the relationship matters more than whatever caused the conflict. Plus, in reconnecting with our kids, we model for them a crucial skill that will allow them to enjoy much more meaningful

Another way to parent proactively is to HALT before responding to your kids. When you see your child’s behavior trending in a direction you don’t like, ask yourself, “Is he hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?” It may be that all you need to do is to set out some raisins, listen to his feelings, play a game with him, or help him get more sleep.

Your job is to hear the feelings within the words.