We might have made the common mistake of taking our child’s age-appropriate resistant behavior personally. How

When we feel uneasy or unsure saying “no” in a particular situation, and perhaps we try to coax, cajole, make it work for our child, she has no choice but to feel uneasy. If we worry about our child’s feelings in response to our boundaries (perhaps we tread lightly or try to console our “poor baby”), she has no choice but to feel uncomfortable with

The best way to do this is to give babies predictable, routine kinds of days.

Don’t let it rattle you. Some suggest ignoring behaviors like whining, but I believe in staying physically present and available, just disengaging from the whine. Imagine yourself wearing an annoyance filter (an invention that could make billions, I’m sure). Take a deep breath and remind yourself that your child’s behavior is perfectly normal, but

Connection during boundary setting doesn’t look warm and fuzzy, but it is crucial. Here are the two most important ways to connect:

2. Gentle guidance. Calmly say something like, “It sounds like you’re uncomfortable, but it’s hard for me to understand you. Please tell me in your normal voice.” You might add matter-of-factly, “That sound hurts my ears.”

Remembering to say, “Wow, you can reach that now!” or “Look at the leaf you found,” before adding “but this isn’t safe for you to touch (or put in your mouth). I’m going to move it,”

Thank children for helping rather than offering empty “good job” praise.

Acting as if we’re unruffled does not mean adopting stern expressions and voices or forcing laughter and games. It means imagining we’ve been handling these situations for so many years that we’re completely calm and comfortable, so it’s easy to be direct, definitive, and physically follow through when that’s needed.