children are easily overwhelmed by impulses bigger and stronger than they are.

There is a lack of recognition of the healthy need toddlers have to express their burgeoning will by resisting whatever their parents want, as well as their need to release intense feelings.

Our responses will obviously vary from situation to situation, but they should consistently demonstrate that we’re totally unthreatened by their behavior, that we can handle it, and that it’s no big deal at all.

If we hesitate to set a limit with conviction because we’re trying to figure out what is driving our child’s behavior, he or she is left with a faltering, vague, or inconclusive message instead of real help.

2. Acknowledge and empathize.

With an older, more verbal child, you might say, “Please speak in your regular voice so that I can understand.” Or, “That yelling is hurting my ears. Please stop and talk to me. Tell me what you want.”

The CEO guides and leads others with confident efficiency. She doesn’t use an unsure, questioning tone, get angry or emotional. Our child needs to feel that we are not nervous about his behavior or ambivalent about establishing rules. He finds comfort when we are effortlessly in charge.

Don’t let it rattle you. Some suggest ignoring behaviors like whining, but I believe in staying physically present and available, just disengaging from the whine. Imagine yourself wearing an annoyance filter (an invention that could make billions, I’m sure). Take a deep breath and remind yourself that your child’s behavior is perfectly normal, but

Just talk to your child.