Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

Most negotiations hit that inevitable point where the slightly loose and informal interplay between two people turns to confrontation and the proverbial “brass tacks.” You know the moment: you’ve mirrored and labeled your way to a degree of rapport; an accusation audit has cleared any lingering mental or emotional obstacles, and you’ve identified a

Emotions are one of the main things that derail communication. Once people get upset at one another, rational thinking goes out the window.

“No” is not failure. Used strategically it’s an answer that opens the path forward. Getting to the point where you’re no longer horrified by the word “No” is a liberating moment that every negotiator needs to reach. Because if your biggest fear is “No,” you can’t negotiate. You’re the hostage of “Yes.” You’re handcuffed. You’re done. So let’s undre

On my first consulting project after leaving the FBI, I received the honor to train the national hostage negotiation team for the United Arab Emirates. Unfortunately, the prestige of the assignment was tempered during the project by problems with the general contractor (I was a subcontractor). The problems became so bad that I was going to have to

Before you convince them to see what you’re trying to accomplish, you have to say the things to them that will get them to say, “That’s right.”

There are actually three kinds of “Yes”: Counterfeit, Confirmation, and Commitment. A counterfeit “yes” is one in which your counterpart plans on saying “no” but either feels “yes” is an easier escape route or just wants to disingenuously keep the conversation going to obtain more information or some other kind of edge. A confirmation “yes” is gene

Denying barriers or negative influences gives them credence; get them into the open.

The first step to achieving a mastery of daily negotiation is to get over your aversion to negotiating. You don’t need to like it; you just need to understand that’s how the world works. Negotiating does not mean browbeating or grinding someone down. It simply means playing the emotional game that human society is set up for. In this world, you get

To get real leverage, you have to persuade them that they have something concrete to lose if the deal falls through.