Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Your offer is very generous, I’m sorry, that just doesn’t work for me”

Research shows that the best way to deal with negativity is to observe it, without reaction and without judgment. Then consciously label each negative feeling and replace it with positive, compassionate, and solution-based thoughts.

calibrated questions avoid verbs or words like “can,” “is,” “are,” “do,” or “does.”

being right isn’t the key to a successful negotiation—having the right mindset is.

The genius of this technique is really well explained by something that the psychologist Kevin Dutton says in his book Split-Second Persuasion.1 He talks about what he calls “unbelief,” which is active resistance to what the other side is saying, complete rejection.

Research shows that the best way to deal with negativity is to observe it, without reaction and without judgment. Then consciously label each negative feeling and replace it with positive, compassionate, and solution-based thoughts.

(“How am I supposed to accept that?”)

All negotiations are defined by a network of subterranean desires and needs. Don’t let yourself be fooled by the surface. Once you know that the Haitian kidnappers just want party money, you will be miles better prepared. Splitting the difference is wearing one black and one brown shoe, so don’t compromise. Meeting halfway often leads to bad deals

I just knew we needed to trust the process. I wrote a two-page document that instructed Benjie to change course. We were going to use nearly every tactic in the active listening arsenal:

“I’m sorry, no”