Modern Romance

relationshopping”— searching for our mate like we’d search for a new pair of shoes. But treating potential partners like potential purchases gets us into trouble.

The problem is that before marriage, we rarely delve into our complexities. Whenever casual relationships threaten to reveal our flaws, we blame our partners and call it a day

Perel argues that marriages fail because we expect our partner to give us “what once an entire village used to provide.” Perel says we put it on one person to “give me belonging, give me identity, give me continuity, but give me transcendence and mystery and awe all in one. Give me comfort, give me edge. Give me novelty, give me familiarity. Give m

Initially, we are attracted to people by their physical appearance and traits we can quickly recognize. But the things that really make us fall for someone are their deeper, more unique qualities, and usually those only come out during sustained interactions.