Maybe You’re Not Actually Trying

Saved by anna and

But struggling is not evidence that you’ve tried everything. To the contrary, the continuous need for willpower may be the sign of a badly-engineered life.

Cate Hall • Maybe You’re Not Actually Trying

It seems like, by default, you are stuck with whatever level of resourcefulness you brought to a problem the first time you encountered it and failed to fix it.

Cate Hall • Maybe You’re Not Actually Trying

LLeah Jo

I get this feeling deep in my gut when I am doing well. This cannot last; this cannot be. Because that first time I lost the good feeling was devastating and scary. Now I bring my fear to the table too every time I feel safe.

Similarly, people who are being selectively agentic often have a kind of faulty sensory appreciation. Perhaps relationships feel hard for you, they take willpower, so it’s tempting to believe that you’re Actually Trying, that you’ve brought the full weight of your genius to bear on the problem. You might even take some pride in the struggle. Like... See more

Cate Hall • Maybe You’re Not Actually Trying

I think we are all like this. People are not just high-agency or low-agency in a global sense, across their entire lives. Instead, people are selectively agentic.

Let’s say that life is divided up into three theaters: work, relationships with others (all kinds) and relationship to self (physical health, introspection, emotional development, all of... See more

Cate Hall • Maybe You’re Not Actually Trying

KKathrin Radtke

I used to be so obsessed with consistency. I would beat myself up to mediate every day or do yoga or go running or journal or whatever it was at that time I thought I needed to do. It felt like I was really working hard on getting better. So I thought the struggle would mean that I was doing my best.

But being so fucking hard on myself is one of my main problems. And I wondered why this didn't help?

With the knowledge I now have I realize that all of these things ARE helpful. But the way they are actually useful to me is if I reflect on WHAT I really need in that moment. It helps if I journal when I notice that the thoughts in my head could use a little bit of sorting through them. It helps when I exercise when my body actually wants to move.

There is a relevant concept from Alexander Technique that I love, “faulty sensory appreciation,” which I learned about from Michael Ashcroft. The concept is that habitual tension distorts your sensory impressions—rigid stillness via bodily tension starts to feel like “good posture,” whereas relaxed uprightness feels strange, to the extent you might... See more

Cate Hall • Maybe You’re Not Actually Trying

people who are being selectively agentic often have a kind of faulty sensory appreciation. Perhaps relationships feel hard for you, they take willpower, so it’s tempting to believe that you’re Actually Trying, that you’ve brought the full weight of your genius to bear on the problem. You might even take some pride in the struggle. Like rigid... See more

Cate Hall • Maybe You’re Not Actually Trying

I’d recommend assuming there’s some area of your life where you are, without realizing it, frozen in time, and that locating it matters quite a bit. Look across the three theaters of your life: work, relationships, and self-relationship, and take note of the biggest issues you face. Know that you might be looking for something that doesn’t feel... See more