Making Normal Conversations Better

People love attention, almost more than anything. Part of what makes people open up, conversationally, is the sense that someone is paying them more attention than normal. This is usually conveyed by shared body language, shared speech patterns, and granular responses— like, for an incredibly banal example, if someone tells you they used to live in... See more

Some people get frustrated with small talk because the words themselves are not enlightening. But they’re focusing on the wrong thing. The spoken content of small talk is, it’s true, mostly vapid. However, the relevant information underneath the spoken content is fascinating if you learn to care about it. What you’re doing is mutually establishing ... See more

“Say more” and “care to elaborate” are magical phrases. You can also repeat what they said. “Work has been crazy lately.” “Work has been crazy lately?” That can do a lot. The question “why is that important to you,” while more intense, can get you really far, really fast, if you sense a mood of openness, especially if you learn to ask it casually.

Don’t Leave the Silly Out of the Serious, or the Serious out of the Silly

You cannot force good conversations to happen. You have to allow and invite them

Typically, the best conversations are ones that possess some degree of spontaneity. And you can encourage spontaneity. If something floats across your mind that’s unexpected, like a conversational tangent jogs a memory or idea you didn’t foresee appearing, make it part of the conversation. “For some reason, this makes me think of [x]” is fine. Simi

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